Changes Change

Helllloooo. Thanks in advance for reading! I just wanted to pop on & update a few things. First thing, I have FINALLY found a school I want to go to! Yeah, yeah, I know. I was seriously considering radio & TV broadcasting school. I even went there & got accepted. But honestly, it gave me SOOOOOO much anxiety! Despite the fact that I am indeed mentally ill, I have never been attention-seeking. Every time I attempted suicide, I did it because I seriously wanted to die, not for any attention. I just don’t think being on air is for me. Even radio would be too much. My anxiety is getting worse. My mental illnesses are changing for some reason. I’m honestly scared. But I’m trying to stay as positive as possible.

I have decided to go to school to become a Certified/Registered Medical Assistant at a school that is closer than the one in Cleveland. I think I could definitely thrive doing this & honestly, it would be a more secure career. I’ve actually been wanting to be in the medical field for a long time. It wouldn’t be too nerve-wracking. I think I’d be good at it. Plus, I would get to wear scrubs everyday, LOL. But no, seriously, this is something I want to do, I’ve been looking into this for a little while.

So, now that it is after midnight on Wednesday, I will be making those appointments I was talking about in one of my last blogs today. No one has talked me into doing this, I actually just had to come up with the order of who I need to make an appointment with first. Before I do anything, I need to contact my endocrinologist to see how my sugar is doing. Due to my seasonal affective disorder & my mental illnesses changing so rapidly, I have been eating a lot more. I need a new sugar checking machine as well. So that’s the first doctor I need to call. Then all the others will follow. Due to the fact that my diabetes have to be in check before I can have any teeth fixed, the dentist is going to be last. Hoping to have every appointment scheduled by April 1st & everything settled by July 1st.

The dating site I was on, Plenty of Fish(POF) is such a fucking joke. If you are looking for ANYTHING meaningful, skip that site. All it has on it are jerks who only want naked pictures & to sext 24/7. It’s disgusting. I deleted my profile completely a few minutes ago. I’m SOOO beyond done with that shit. Yuck.

What are friends? What are GOOD friends? I wish I knew. I’ve never had both. I’m not saying this out of spite, just being honest. When you have “friends” that don’t care if you die. Plus, nobody cares about your problems. They have their own. Counselors & psychiatrists care, but I would too if I got paid $20/hour to listen to people bitch for 8 hours a day. I guess that’s why I blog…I just get to get whatever is on my chest out.

I’ll update again soon…thanks for reading.

Sydney xoxo



One thought on “Changes Change

  1. It’s not that we don’t care if you die,we do,but also respect your freedom of choice. No one is stopping or encouraging you,Sydney. It is and always has been in your hands.
    I can’t even imagine what modern dating is like these days,I am afraid I would walk out the first time a girl pulled out her cellphone to check it while we were out……


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