Aileen

Haven’t written a blog since Summer. Sorry!!! I will write more, I need to. I need to get my thoughts out of my head. I write a lot on Twitter, but you only have so much room and I don’t want to write a fucking book on there, LOL. This will be my most revealing blog I have written. Thanks in advance for reading it. Here we go.

My mental health issues have gotten SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much worse. I am so suicidal and honestly homicidal, too. I just don’t know what to do. I need to be in the hospital, but because I HAVE to work due to having the only income in my household, I can’t afford to be in the psych ward for weeks. I have to get my bills caught up. But because my mental illnesses have got so much worse, I am having trouble finding a job and ultimately keeping one. It’s ridiculous, I have tried so many jobs this year. This year has been my worst since 2016, but honestly this year has been the worst for everyone. It is what it is.

I have NOTHING. I have no friends, no family. I’m just lost. So empty. I really feel like Aileen Wournos…I identify with her more than anyone I think. My heart will always ache for her. I will always have sympathy for her. She was so beyond broken and lost. If she wasn’t failed by every single person she EVER met, she wouldn’t have become famous for killing 7 men, she would of become anything else she wanted to be. I identify with that. I have been hurt by every single I have ever met. I have no reason to get up in the morning. I get up because I am unfortunately breathing. I make it through the day because…I don’t honestly know. I thought having a therapy dog would help, but it just made me worse, I HATED that dog. I am so glad I don’t have her anymore.

I absolutely HATED living in the apartment in Greenwich. I am SOOOOOOOOO glad I moved back into my old house in my hometown. I liked having an air conditioner this Summer & running water, but it was just a nightmare. I will NEVER go back there EVER again. Fuck renting, I will ONLY own from now on. Such complete bullshit.

I have NO desire in finding my biological father. I think I may have found him, but he is such a piece of shit. He was forcing me to fuck his friend. I absolutely don’t give a shit anymore.

Okay, I’m going to end it here, I’ve been trying to finish this for like 6 hours, LOL. Due to my health issues, I haven’t been able to focus on ANYTHING lately. Stay tuned for my next blog!

Sydney xoxo